Ninja Assassins - For True Ninjas Only

Ninja Assassin, a movie game that apparently hardly anyone likes. I've seen many reviews of this game, all sayings its too hard, the stealth mechanic is underdeveloped, terrible controls, messy swipe-fest, the first boss is impossible. I found all these complaints to be complete rubbish, except the point on the stealth mechanic which is true, you pretty much only get to do stealth kills in one stage and from then on stealth becomes a vestigial element.

The game is very much like Draw Slasher essentially (I'll be bringing that up quite a bit) in that you're a ninja and you swipe to slash. However, while Draw Slasher was a simple game against slow enemies, Ninja Assassin is far more demanding, and just drawing horizontal slashes everywhere will only get you past the first stage or two. The plot loosely follows the movie, though given the content and name ("Ninja Assassins", its as redundant as "Dog Canines", maybe they were aiming for "Ninja^2" to show off how Ninja the movie is) the plot is hardly important, but told through comic-style cutscenes (with text dialogue awkwardly repeated in the in-game dialogue). The graphics are good, presentation is stylish, and it certainly looks better than made-in-flash Draw Slasher (not to say Draw Slasher is a bad looking game).

The story mode is really short, a mere four Acts long which could be completed in an hour or two. The length of the individual stages felt right though, as gameplay is about fast precise slashes, not a lengthy sprawl. Levels are difficult, especially when you haven't adjusted to the gameplay, but there is little penalty for dying, you don't even need to reload the stage to retry. The inclusion of a survival mode lengthens the replayability. You'll play as four characters in both modes, actually just a generic ninja and the main character with different weapons/costumes.

The controls are not terrible, you swipe to slash. You run to the starting point of the swipe and follow the slash through. If you want to combo, you start your slashes from your character. If you just swipe your finger everywhere expecting this to be Draw Slasher then don't be surprised if you can't beat the first boss. You can throw shurikens by tapping enemies, but its mainly to stave off solitary enemies. One character however, uses a chain that doesn't have an 'ammo' limit like the shurikens do and is quite powerful against regular ninjas, making it much more useful. In the second Act you can hide and perform stealth kills, which was rather enjoyable and introduced an element of tactics. However, stealth kills are unavailable from then on, and hiding spots become rather useless. While I was somewhat disappointed at this, the game is pretty short, and the main focus is on action.



Despite many complaints, I didn't find it to be frustrating, rather I found each stage exhilerating, its the kind of difficult that is possible and rewarding. I did die a lot facing the stage with the guards, but once I learned to chain combos I found it quite rewarding to slice through a whole line of guards, leap over a guard's shield and slice them in half. Seeing how it all comes together when you actually put effort and thought into your attacks, killing the final boss with literally no health left, that gave me a feeling I hadn't felt in games for a long time. Recent games I've been playing are either too easy, too repetetive or unreasonably difficult, so this game was a welcome change.

Again, this isn't Draw Slasher. Here there seems to be a big emphasis on combo-ing. When you slash an enemy there is a brief slo-mo effect. That's not so you can admire the gore, thats for you to add another chain to the combo.

The first boss is easy, wipe out the armed thugs, jump over him and slash his back. The second boss is even easier, just use short slashes and jump over him when he charges. The final boss is probably the hardest part of the game, you need to use jump slashes to counter his, while attacking the other ninjas, this is where swiping precision and combos becomes essential.

Overall, many people who complain about this game just seem to play it expecting it to be a shallow swipe-fest like Draw Slasher (the two games are very similair, admittedly), but this game requires more skill than just painting the screen red. The reason the stealth mechanic is dropped is because the game is short, and stealth gives way to precision slashes and combos, unlike the first stage that could be won with random swipes. It seems many people just give up and are either impatient, incompetent, or just weren't expecting the game to be this demanding. I don't see how its frustrating, you restart stages immediately without reloading and except for the final boss, it took me generally less than five retries per stage. My big complaint is that its too short, I got it today and beat it within 3 hours, but the survival mode and IMO enjoyable stages will probably keep me playing.

I was discussing with some friends earlier how a certain flash game was also incredibly difficult, but for the wrong reasons such as bad programming, leaving success more to luck and trial-and-error. Looking back at that, I appreciate how Ninja Assassins may seem unreasonably difficult, but can be accomplished through a bit of effort and thought, and understand how some people have been put off because they weren't expecting it, or are just too incompetent and use to easier and more simple games.

Little tidbits, you can use your iPod library music, you can fiddle with the main menu using the accelerometer, your health refills if you stand still for about 5 seconds and in the Bonus menu you can play this little shuriken app where you choose a shuriken and target, then motion with your iPhone to throw it. Apparently the latter feature is multiplayer.

As cheesy as it is to summarize it, this game is for mother fucking hardcore gaming Ninjas only, fuckfaggots. If Draw Slasher is Naruto, then this game is god damn Strider 2. If you shit your pants playing Ninja Gaiden II on casual, then fuck off ya gay Pirate dickeating pansy and go back to shitty browser based borefests and Imaginez Babies (I'm never going to forget that game). Ninja Assassins isn't a perfect game, but it is a damn good one, especially given the source material, and for its current price of $1.19 AU its a steal. I'd even say its worth it for its original price. Probably the best iDevice Ninja game next to... erm... Traffic Ninja?



...Well, ok NG2 is kinda an unfair game, but you get the idea.

Start your hardcore ninja training now dattebayo!
(I can't believe I said that...)

TEDD - Rock Howard in Final Fight

That's the best way to sum it up.
I came across this curious gem today and the first thing I noticed was that you appear to be playing as Rock Howard from Fatal Fury/KoF.
The next thing I noticed was the curious game description:

PROMOTION SALE Start! For one week
ENTIRELY NEW GENRE GAEM!
THIS IS AWESOME DEFENCE ACTION GAME!

Despite the horrible engrish I bought the game once I discovered its an old-school style beat-em-up.


By: Sweet Studio
Price: $1.19

While hardly a "NEW GENRE GAEM", it is a very competant beat-em-up. The controls work quite well. There's an attack button, a jump button and three special attacks you can use. Walking around is done by tapping on where or what you want to walk to, double tap to run. Each level consists of beating up a bunch of thugs for a period of time and then fighting a boss, intersped with story cut scenes.

One interesting addition to the gameplay is the presence of Kara, the little girl with blue hair. In an ordinary beat-em-up she would've been kidnapped at the start of the game but here she accompanies Rock Howard in his quest to star in Streets of Rage. Thus she follows you while you fight, and if she gets knocked down three times its game over. This may sound like a nuisance, having to protect the frail-lead-female while being assaulted and assaulting numerous stereotype gangsters and Mr T clones, but she can defend herself with a three-hit-nervous-shove combo which she does not hesitate to use whenever enemies are in range. The result is that in the midst of battle she's very capable of protecting herself, and you only really have to protect her from enemies coming from behind. The enemy AI isn't too difficult anyway.

While you fight thugs, smash crates and generally be a bad enough dude to rescue the president, you earn SP, which you use between stages to upgrade Health, Attack power or your special abilities. You can even upgrade Kara's shove-attack. As with every iPhone action game they throw in a tacky-pseudo-RPG upgrading system which actually ends up being a good thing. The graphics are quite good, with smooth animation and detailed sprites, along with the occasional cute cutscene art.

But the most noticeable thing about the game is the plot. Yes it has a plot, something to do with a necklace and an evil organization and a cloning potion but the story is only told through textboxes with the most hilariously horrendous engrish I've ever witnessed in an iPhone game. I'd almost go as far as to say that the game is worth getting just to see how bad the translation is. Its like they translated all the in-game text with Translation Party.

That said, the game is a competent beat-em-up with good controls and great gameplay. At $1.19 it should satisfy those wanting to bring down Mad Gear as Rock Howard and a little girl, and were dissatisfied with Sega's ports of Golden Axe and Streets of Rage.

I suppose if I were to give it a rating, it'd be 8/10.

Get it here for $1.19

Street Fighter IV on iPhone

It was released today, and partly the reason I made this blog.

If you don't want to get it because of the poor quality textures, go die. Consider the platform, the characters look fine and the backgrounds are just that, backgrounds, who cares if they're fuzzy static pictures, you don't play a fighting game to gawk at the freaking background.

If you don't want to get it because its $12.99, go to hell. This game is well worth the premium price. Sometimes you just have to pay for quality. If you're really that stingy when it comes to iPhone games then you should have a Jailbroken one, then price shouldn't be a problem.

If you don't want to get it because you're certain the controls will be horrible, put your fears to rest you judgmental bastard. Trust me, they work far better than an Xbox 360 d-pad and you can position them wherever you like.

If you don't want to get it because you think your fingers will cover up the screen, expel such paranoid delusions. Unless you have gigantor sausage fingers ten centimeters thick it shouldn't be a problem.

I sat eagerly awaiting this game since the start of the month, having high expectations for it, and I was most not disappointed. I shall consider the game by itself, but mainly in comparison of the console (360) version.

There are four buttons which essentially are; Punch, Kick, Special and Focus Attack. The Special button is used to perform EX-Special moves, more powerful versions of regular special moves costing one segment of the super bar, and the Focus Attack is a feature from the original, a counter-stance that when charged can stun the opponent briefly. But the main consideration point is the virtual joystick. Initially you may be confused as to how to use it, but I say to you this:
IGNORE the joystick, focus on pressing the yellow arrows. Do this, and you will find the directional input to be very good, and far better than the horrendous Xbox 360 d-pad. You can edit the opacity of the buttons and even their placement on the screen. I find putting the virtual joystick slightly more to the center of the screen, away from the sides. I consider my fingers fairly short and round, yet they do not get in the way of playing the game. If your thumbs get in the way, you either have gigantic thumbs or you're playing the game wrong, you thick twat.

With that in mind, you will find the rest of the gameplay very good. Animation is smooth and it gameplay feels just like the console version, but without the vile uneven mass of misshapen snot of lumpy plastic that serves as a d-pad. I've never experienced any slowdown on my third generation iPod Touch and this game is no exception. Your mileage may vary, but as I play it, it moves with an almost poetic grace as punch two-in-ones into shoryuken. While there is only one punch and one kick button, I find this to be a suitable compromise and combat plays fine without different strength buttons. By contrast, the Gameboy Advance versions of Street Fighter Alpha 3 and Super Street Fighter II Turbo Revival had all six punch/kick buttons, relegating one for A, B, L and R, and the strength of the button press differentiating a medium kick from a hard kick (control mapping customizable). I found this hard to use as it was very picky about the button press and ended up mainly using one punch/kick strength almost the whole fight. As such, condensing all of the essential moves to one button and a directional input (fast punch, uppercut, poking low kick, sweep, etc) was a good move.
To further add to the optimized controls, super combos and ultra combos can now be activated by tapping on either your or your opponent's super/revenge bar. This makes performing them far easier for those who find difficulty in half-circle motions. I recommend tapping your opponent's meter to activate them, as they are closer to the main buttons. Auto-guard and Special move assist options are also available.

In terms of actual game content we are given a Tournament (arcade) mode, standard fight the other characters and beat Bison (or Vega, if it suits you). They kept in post-fight quotes, displayed against your character's winning portrait, which was a nice touch. There is a Free-Sparring (CPU versus) mode for quick one-on-one bouts. There is a Training mode, to get a feel for the controls and practice your techniques. Finally there is a Dojo mode, similair to the challenges of the main game, where you must complete many challenges of various conditions. I am unsure whether the Dojo challenges here confer some unlockables, though I would assume it would. In addition we get a Bluetooth multiplayer option, and the ability to save the replays of fights, so if you defeated your opponent with a spectacular counter-hit-shinryuken-ultra-finish then you can save your fight and relive your glorious moment of victory. Replay value is high if you like Street Fighter.

On to the minor details, there are many options to customize the experience. If you found yourself being obliterated by the often-complained cheap AI of the console versions then fear not! There are multiple difficulty settings and the default is much easier (and I suppose more fairer) than the original, allowing fighters of all skill levels to get your hadouken groove on. 8 characters, all looking and playing fantastic. Essentially the Street Fighter II roster minus E. Honda and Zangeif, replaced with Abel (I guess they wanted to include at least one newcomer). 7 stages, all taken from the console version. Yes, they are fuzzy static images but who cares? You're focusing on the fight, not the details of the locale. A minor sacrifice in my opinion. Each character has two color options. At this point I am unsure of unlockables, though either that or DLC in updates are likely possibilities. Dan is the mentor for the Dojo stages after all. The opening is different to the console version, being just the unabridged stylized Ryu and Ken fight, with the pop song that served as the main theme replaced with generic-but-awesome techno/rock assortment. In addition (kinda spoilers), finish Tournament mode and you will be treated to an awesome trailer for the upcoming Super Street Fighter IV. Both these videos are of high-quality.
Audio-wise, sound and music are good. Unfortunately, the cheesy english voices are used, but it is only a minor nitpick. Ryu screaming "Shinkuu.... HAAAADOOUUUUKEN" is really all that matters.
In terms of the characters themselves, in motion it looks almost just like the console games. If you look closely you'll notice that the characters are actually pre-rendered sprites based off the 3D models of the console games, kinda like Killer Instinct, those old games that use pre-rendered objects turned into sprites. However, it looks so good its actually really hard to determine if they really are 2D, and since the camera is static we don't get any sprite stretching from pseudo 3D views.

Rest assured that this is not a butchered port. It is not a Darkstalkers Chronicles, ruined by an unplayable d-pad. Rather, Street Fighter IV on iPhone is like Tekken 5 Dark Resurrection on PSP, beatifully ported with near-nothing subtracted with excellent graphics, animation, optimized gameplay and high-quality video clips just to show how far portable gaming has come.

Keep in mind, this is me playing the game for 30 minutes. I might discover more about the game as I play, it may be updated, but it has already blown me away with its initial offering. My recommendation is simply this;
If you like Street Fighter IV or fighting games in general, you MUST get this. It is easily the best fighting game available on the platform, easily one of the best games available on iPhone period. I cannot recommend it enough. If you have reservations about the controls, trust me, they work wonderfully. If you have reservations about the price, quite frankly, go fuck yourself. This is a quality game that plays just as well as its $69 counterpart and while I like to get games as cheap as possible and would rather more games be at the minimum price, this is one game that is well worth the $12.99 price tag.

Stay tuned for updates.

The Initiative

Note; effectively, the terms iPhone, iPod Touch, iDevice and iTouch shall hereby be interchangeable. Despite owning an iPod Touch, the primary term used will be iPhone, since it is the one most used and in terms of games and apps, it doesn't matter exactly what you have. Money denominations are in AU dollars.

I will accept the fact that 90% of all iPhone apps, indeed, 90% of all the apps that are games, are pure, irredeemable and unforgivable garbage. Without any hesitation or implication of exaggeration I can say that you could make better games than some of these using Game Maker, or even by taking a shit in Flash. Mercy and Justice scorn them both. The worst are the lifestyle apps. Quite literally, $3.99 for a collection of pictures stolen from google image search.

There are many average iPhone games. Among these are the Tower Defense games, the Web-Based MMOs and the overall shitty games.

There are the average, the somewhat good, the very good, and the great. Among the greatest are ports of other games done well, and indie games that have been shown a lot of attention and care. These games bring out the best in the system, that are examples of how good iPhone games can get. Some of these are better than games you can find on DS or PSP, and are cheaper and even more portable.

On this day Street Fighter IV was released, and on this day I had a suggestion to review iPhone games. Not just the popular, but the neglected and the lesser known, both the good and the bad. I shall do it, to show the world both the games that no one has played, and the games that show the best of the system, show it as capable of being a competing with the mainstream portable games.

A few words on the typical iPhone game consumer, typically:

1. They'll have an old generation iPhone that crashes because the game is meant for 3rd generation systems/it'll crash because it ran out of memory, but they'll blame the game maker anyway.

2. They want to give it a good review, but for some reason think 1/5 is the highest score you can give a game.

3. Have no idea what they're talking about.

4. Are extremely stingy. Regardless of the game, they consider anything over $1.19 as too expensive, and anything $1.19 should be free.